Wednesday, October 11, 2006

MeTube

Like three quarters of America, I actually thought of it first. Well, really it was Al Gore's idea, but hey, I am not bitter. I've got a blog, with a gazillion readers. Yes, gazillion, that massive number that follows 3, my dog, my mom and me.

This whole YouTube debacle has got me thinking; what would I do with 1.6 billion, or 2.2 billion, or whatever it was they actually paid for that site?

- buy Burundi whose GDP is $700MM/year (actually I could buy three Burundis), then like Madonna and Angelina I could adopt not just one token black child, but a whole country of 8,090,068, half of whom are under 14, then I would sell Burundi to Google for stock, and put all the Burundians on YouTube where they would become famous and get multiyear content licensing contracts with CBS and thereby alleviate poverty in Burundi forever

- buy land in Iraq. With 655,000 killed since the war began, everyone will be dead in a few years, which will mean the insurgency will be over, and we'll be left with prime Middle East riverfront real estate and a whole lotta oil underneath. Hey, someone has got to keep flushing money into that black hole. Who will do it once Congress changes hands and Bush is impeached?

- pay off my credit cards, at least the ones charging me 2,800% interest

As the great Graham Greene once said (or wrote), writing is a form of therapy. In the space of a few paragraphs, I have transcended my bitterness, and transmorgified my bile into ambition: I am just going to go out a start my very own dotcom - MeTube (or mytube, which I suppose is grammatically correct).

The tagline? "Why is it always about You?"

Look for me on the front pages of the Wall Street Journal in six months when I have sold it to Rupert Murdoch for $11BN. I'll do the deal at the lunch counter of a WallMart.

But you gotta love Google for reviving the dotcom days, at least those of us who pine for open loft spaces and first class flights to places like Roanoke, Missouri to sell some furniture company a $2MM web site. It is official, if you do a billion dollar deal at Dennys, you are talking dotcom, baby. Now we can all quit our banking jobs and go back to blowing someone's pension fund for a while.

Eric, I know you are king of the world right now, but $1.something billion on website? Billion, Eric, billllllll-yon. While you are at it, why don't you send some of that Monopoly money over this way. You can have parsingtheworld.blogspot.com for $26.95, I will even throw in an old typewriter.

Graham Greene also said "everything is useful to a writer- every scrap." Google, that algorithmic Internet omnivore, seems to be following that advice closely.

3 Comments:

Blogger Chantal said...

um....3 readers? *sniff*....

5:14 PM  
Blogger Thaddeus P. said...

now it's four ;)

9:46 PM  
Blogger vdvvdv said...

Really very funny :)

9:26 AM  

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