Saturday, August 19, 2006

Restoring the faith

With the world in turmoil, the Middle East getting worse by the day, the past year has really tested all our faith. Some of us, myself included, have taken to the bottle to restore our faith in the double martini. Others, it seems, have found their faith again as a result of miraculous sightings.

For some, it was the miraculous sight of Boy George shoveling garbage in Manhattan as he worked off his community service sentence for falsely reporting a burglary. Googla, a 25 year of female from NYC, wrote on Flickr "I've waited 25 years to meet this man and here he was, picking up trash along my walking route to work."

His appearance on 42nd street reaffirmed the glorious sermon on the mount; blessed are the poor, and the discarded condoms and other assorted detritus. Indeed the meek shall inheret the earth. And yes, you can actually tatoo a yamaka to your head.

Not everyone was inspired by Boy George's court imposed good deeds. Some in the press really wanted to hurt him, hounding him relentlessly during his first day, others just wanted to make him cry. Former friend Philip Sallon told the Irish Examiner, "I laughed my head off when I saw (the pictures). He's got just what he deserves. He's sweeping up his own mess."

"It was hard work but he seemed to almost enjoy it," said Jeremy Pearce, Boy George's manager. "He put his back into it and did a good job." And for Boy George, like Jesus of Nazareth, this test of humility restored his faith - faith into his own libertine ways, "I'm going to go off and have a glass of champagne," says George.

For Jacinto Santacruz of Fountain Valley, CA, salvation came in the form of a glob of chocolate that had dripped overnight into the shape of the Virgin Mary. Coincidentally, Jacinto had been questioning her faith "due to personal issues," when the chocolaty virgin oozed out in front of her. Faith restored, and kind of tasty too.

Word has it that Mel Gibson has already signed the choclate glob to play a chocolate glob in the forthcomming blockbuster, "The Passion of Jacinto; Why Jews Hate Chocolate."

The blessed virgin has chosen some rather unconvential places to make an appearance since she first came on the scene in France in 1858, revealing herself to a 14-year-old Bernadette lurking in a grotto. While a grotto seems a likely place for the blessed virgin, how about a chimney, a highway underpass, and a cheese sandwich that sold for $11,000 on Ebay? And more recently, on this very blog

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or is that a blessed snowman?

For Germans hoping to restore their faith with the sight of Madonna on a "disco-fied" crucifix this weekend, they may be out of luck. German prosecutors say they will be monitoring the Madonna concert in Berlin tomorrow to determine if her staged crucifixion is offensive, or art.

According to All Headline News, the news sources for all things headline, putting their faith in the media "the prosecutors say they will not be watching the show live, but rather rely on media reports to conclude their observations."

Hans Liptonburger, Chief Prosecutor for All Things Deemed Somewhat Offensive In A Way That Is Difficult To Explain But I Know It When I See It, went on to say, "Parsing the World is an excellent source of news information and has proven to be very reliable. We will be monitoring Thaddeus' blog to determine if this act is an act of art or something very very different...than art."


Blogger Chantal said...

i need the beirut news!

5:39 PM  
Blogger chantal said...

more miraculous chocalate! happy v day!

11:27 AM  

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